


depend on me

by zombiepops



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up, Strangers to Lovers, lovers to strangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23355478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiepops/pseuds/zombiepops
Summary: Sanghyuk wants it to go away, the feeling of Hongbin holding him tight in his arms, but it’s not so much a feeling as it a habit he can’t seem to break.Of course, that’s what breakups do to someone. The one you loved with everything you had, the one you thought you could never live without, is just a stranger. They’re a painful reminder of what used to be: smiles, hugs, and love replaced with meaningless words and fights.Suddenly, it all just disappears.One day, Hongbin just packs up and leaves, gone as fast as he entered Sanghyuk's life. All the good memories are erased, leaving behind the black and darkened and otherwise ugly memories in Sanghyuk’s mind.
Relationships: Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk/Lee Hongbin
Kudos: 12





	depend on me

His body shivers as he steps out of the apartment building into the cold Seoul air. He pulls at the strings on his hoodie, trying to keep as much of the warmth on his skin as he could. The winter was warmer than most winters, but the chill was still there when the wind blew and Sanghyuk notices the snowflakes. When he sighs, the cloud of his breath in the cold winter air appears and disappears and he wishes he could do the same. 

He’s been single for quite a bit—for about a month now—and was not looking forward to pretending that everything was fine. He hadn’t seen Hongbin since the incident, where harsh actions and even harsher words were thrown around, and didn’t plan on ever seeing him again. 

Until he got the notification on his phone that reminded him Jaehwan’s birthday was in less than three days, meaning that Hongbin would be making another dramatic return into his life, and he would have to pretend that everything was alright when they weren’t and haven’t been for a month. 

Reuniting with Hongbin made his blood run cold. It reminds him that even two people who had the right intentions could make a mess of everything and what sucked even more is that they were best friends. 

A loud honk snaps Sanghyuk out of his daze, making him jump. He hadn’t even noticed the car that had pulled up to their— _ his _ —apartment. Sanghyuk sees that familiar mop of red hair through the window, making his way around the car to step in as gracefully as possible. 

“Late,” Sanghyuk grumbles. He doesn’t even know how long he’s been waiting. “As always.”

He pops one of his headphones into his ears, hoping that Hongbin wouldn’t try to talk to him. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle it, pretending that everything was fine after three months—treating his entire love life like a play that was equal parts angst as it was happy. 

Hongbin’s lips purse together, hesitant. “You look nice-”

“Cut the bullshit,” Sanghyuk scoffs, “Let’s get this over with.”

Everything is silent and stuffy with tension so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Sanghyuk sits in the passenger’s seat, looking out the window and hoping that he’d turn invisible. The sun sets and fills the sky with beautiful purples and pinks. Sanghyuk pays more attention to the snowflakes that land on the window than he does to Hongbin in the driver’s seat beside him. 

They remind Sanghyuk of a time where he and Hongbin were close, where Hongbin would drag him on to the roof and surprise him with a picnic—warm blankets, hot chocolate, and an inviting smile that would warm him when the sun couldn’t. It was chilly, sure, but the air around them was warm and Sanghyuk would get so lost in the taste of Hongbin’s lips that he’d miss the sunset, but it didn’t matter. He was wrapped up in Hongbin, the love of his life, who’d gently push him down on the blanket and place light kisses on his neck-

“Sanghyuk?” Sanghyuk whips his head to look at Hongbin at the sound of his name. “We’re here.” Hongbin places a hand carefully on his shoulder. “Unless you want to stay in the car with me longer.” 

Sanghyuk wants to wipe the smirk right off of Hongbin’s stupid face, but he blushes instead. He clambers out of the car, flustered as all hell because—in the past—those words held a significantly different meaning. Hongbin would’ve pulled him close before whispering them in his ear. His breath would ghost over his skin, warm and close, before he’d seize Hongbin’s lips in a kiss. 

Sanghyuk could still feel Hongbin’s lingering touch, could still feel the delicate feathery brush of Hongbin’s calloused hands across his cheek. He could see 

Sanghyuk wants it to go away, the feeling of Hongbin holding him tight in his arms, but it’s not so much a feeling as it a habit he can’t seem to break. 

Of course, that’s what breakups do to someone. The one you loved with everything you had, the one you thought you could never live without, is just a stranger. They’re a painful reminder of what used to be: smiles, hugs, and love replaced with meaningless words and fights. 

Suddenly, it all just disappears. 

One day, Hongbin just packs up and leaves, gone as fast as he entered Sanghyuk's life. All the good memories are erased, leaving behind the black and darkened and otherwise ugly memories in Sanghyuk’s mind. 

“Remember,” Hongbin says, “Act normal.” He’s texting Hakyeon to let them into the house, because the loud thumping beats of the music would be too loud for anyone to hear the doorbell anyway. 

“You mean act like I don’t want to punch you right in the face? Yeah, understood.” It’s harsh, Sanghyuk knows, but it’s not like it’s undeserved. 

“Seriously, Sanghyuk. I don’t want there to be any kind of damper on this party,” Hongbin says, “It’s Jaehwan’s birthday, we can’t ruin it because of whatever issues we’re having-” Sanghyuk used to find Hongbin’s perfectionist way endearing, but not it’s just a pain in his side and Sanghyuk has half a mind to walk home despite being almost an hour away from his house in harsh winter weather. 

Sanghyuk decides to tune out Hongbin’s speech, replying with a quick, “I’m not a child. I know.” 

“Then stop acting like one.” Hongbin replies, voice raising. “I know you’d rather not be caught dead with me again, and I know for a fact that you’re doing all this to get on my nerves, but your attitude sucks and no one in there is going to appreciate it. So stop.” Hongbin looks at his phone. “Take it out on me later, not right now.” 

Sanghyuk doesn’t know why, but that stings a lot more than Sanghyuk cared to admit. It’s true: Sanghyuk was doing all of this to get on his nerves, but he knows Hongbin is doing the same, so why does this bother him so much? 

Sanghyuk scoffs. “You wish I was doing this just to get on your nerves, so you can act all cocky and self-righteous and tell me off. But, news flash, I’m not. I don’t give a fuck what you do anymore. So you better not fuck this up either, if you can control your urge to tell me off.” Sanghyuk taps his foot. “And there is no later, once this is all over I’m never talking to you again.” 

Sanghyuk is blinking back tears. He hates this, hates acting like a prepubescent teenager that has no control of their emotions. 

The door opens soon after, revealing Hakyeon with a purple birthday party hat worn crookedly on his head. “Here you are!” Hakyeon squeezes them both in a hug. “What took you guys so long? Did you guys loose track of time going at it in the car?” Hongbin nudges Hakyeon and Sanghyuk gives him a quiet chuckle. “No. Really? I’ve gotta be psychic or something.” 

_ I t’s definitely or something _ , Sanghyuk mutters as he makes his escape. Just to avoid any more jokes that will make Sanghyuk absolutely lose it. He really does consider turning around to leave, maybe making an excuse that he left something plugged in at home and just stay there. No one would come find him anyway. He wanders into the kitchen, however. Maybe the atmosphere is a little less suffocating. 

There’s relief in knowing that the only other person in this kitchen is Jaehwan , who’s rummaging through the fridge to find something to eat. Jaehwan looks up in surprise, eyes wide as he sees Sanghyuk. “Hyuk!” Jaehwan says at the same time Sanghyuk says, “Jaehwan!”

Jaehwan has what seems to be a sparkly tiara in his hand, one that has Jaehwan’s name on it, as he dashes over to Sanghyuk. He sets the tiara on the counter and envelops Sanghyuk in a bone-crushing hug. “Yah, what took so long?” Jaehwan asks, “Hakyeon and Taekwoon had us playing three rounds of beer pong and Wonshik and I lost miserably without you.”

“Sorry,” Sanghyuk apologizes, “Bin-hyung left late. I waited for like an hour.”

Sanghyuk realizes he hasn’t called Hongbin ‘hyung’ to his face in almost a month at this point. Others look at it and think it’s fine, because ‘hyung’ is a very vague sentiment, but ‘Bin-hyung’? That reminds Sanghyuk of the times where he’d smile, where his heart was so full of love that he’d be giddy when he called Hongbin hyung. Times where Sanghyuk was so in love that he’d move mountains to make Hongbin happy and get the same in return. It was a time where things didn’t hurt so much, where they were invincible. 

Now, when he says it, it just makes him feel sick. 

“Where is Hongbin?” Jaehwan tilts his head. “You came with him, right?” 

“I did.” 

Jaehwan looks confused. “You guys live together. Why would he be late an hour when you guys live in the same house?” Sanghyuk’s lips are suddenly dry. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. Jaehwan squints at him. “Something happened. Something happened that I don’t know about.” 

Sanghyuk sighs. Jaehwan is far more perceptive than he’s given credit for and Sanghyuk really does admire him for it, but he didn’t feel like having this conversation. Not now anyway. 

Maybe after the party. 

But it’s Jaehwan he’s talking to. And Sanghyuk really was a fool thinking that he could keep it from Jaehwan, of all people, for any longer. 

+

“Well, he packed everything and left.” Sanghyuk looks at the floor, “I mean, I kinda threw his shit at him and told him to go.” Jaehwan’s eyebrow raises. “Then he packed and left, but we’d been fighting for weeks. We avoided each other and when we didn’t, we’d just fight.” Sanghyuk is biting his lip. “It just got to the tipping point. And-” Sanghyuk had a hard time finishing his sentence, hands fidgeting nervously in his lap.

Jaehwan’s brown knit together in worry. “He didn’t hit you, did he? I swear to god, Sanghyuk, if that bastard hit you I’ll fuck him up for the rest of his life, even if I get hurt-”

“He didn’t! I promise,” Sanghyuk reassures Jaehwan, who looks like he’s half-ready to punch Hongbin in the face, “Hongbin wouldn’t do that, no matter how angry he got. He just texted me and told us to not say anything until after your party.” Sanghyuk’s eyes were misty. “He packed up, left, and said that whatever was going on between us could wait until after your party, and that we shouldn’t ruin your day because we couldn’t get along.” 

Jaehwan is client for a moment, grabbing one of Sanghyuk’s hands into his own and interlacing their fingers. “I’m so sorry, Hyuk. That’s fucked.” Jaehwan’s knuckles are white with how hard he was gripping the glass bottle. “And why did you listen to him? It wouldn’t have ruined my birthday, he’s just an asshole that likes to hide instead of talk.”

“I just didn’t want to talk about it,” Sanghyuk replies, “It was too fresh at the time, and it’s still too fresh even now.” Sanghyuk smiled. “Besides, Hakyeon would’ve annoyed the information out of you if he knew you’re hiding something from him, and he can’t keep a secret to save his life.”

“I mean, yeah, Hakyeon would  _ try _ ,” Jaehwan huffs, “But I’m literally the world’s best secret keeper. I don’t tell anyone anything.” Jaehwan finishes off what little beer he has left in the glass. “How was everything getting here, then? Good?”

“Civil,” Sanghyuk winces, “I was pretty awful, but we didn’t argue. He just-he just makes my blood boil, I don’t even know why.” Sanghyuk says quietly, “I don’t remember it ever getting this bad.”

“What can we do?” Jaehwan shrugs. He thrusts a bottle of beer into Sanghyuk’s hand. “Here. Drink this. Forget about Bin!” Jaehwan squeezes Sanghyuk into a tight hug. “I love you, Hyuk-ah!! You’re my favorite person.” 

“Jeez, you really weren’t joking when you said three rounds of beer pong,” Sanghyuk replies, smelling the alcohol on his breath. “And shouldn’t your favorite person be Hakyeon-hyung? Considering he’s your boyfriend?” 

“No.” Jaehwan grabs the tiara from the counter. “Bros before hoes.” 

“It’s nice to know you still act like you’re in college,” Sanghyuk laughs. 

“Ugh let me live,” Jaehwan groans, “It’s only been a year since I’ve graduated!” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know Mr. Doctorate’s Degree,” Sanghyuk laughs, bringing the bottle up to his lips to chug the entire thing. “Let’s get this over with, yeah?” 

“Yeah!” 

Jaehwan continues his battle cry as they march into the living room and Sanghyuk can’t help it. His eyes are glued to a particular brunette boy laughing it up with some girl he’s never seen before. Sanghyuk can’t help but feel this aching in his heart, one that pulls his toward Hongbin even though his presence is like a mosquito that you want to smack. 

_ Stop looking,  _ he thinks and forces his head in another direction,  _ he’s not yours anymore.  _

+

Sanghyuk sees the shot glasses and the hugs bottle of Grey Goose that Jaehwan brings out, a major step up from the cheap vodka he and Hakyeon used to drink in the dorms together. The memories of staying up late, swaying to dance music in their small dorm room because no one slept at a normal time, and being together with his friends. 

“Sanghyuk!” Hakyeon calls, “Sanghyuk, c’mere!” He pushes a drink toward Sanghyuk, something mixed with the vodka that was gracefully beside him. 

Sanghyuk doesn’t understand the appeal of buying the expensive version if the cheaper one fucked him up just the same, but hats off to them. Hakyeon finally has the money to do so.

Good for him. 

Sanghyuk kind of loses count at the number of shots Hakyeon sends his way, giving him beer as a chaser. It’s kinda gross, honestly, but it didn’t hurt. Part of him knows that maybe, just  _ maybe _ , he should tone it down—someone needs to look after Hakyeon and Jaehwan, but he knows they’re safe. The environment is safe, the people around them are safe, so Sanghyuk doesn’t even worry. 

He knows one of the hyungs would take care of them. 

They start dancing soon after. The lights dim, strobe lights pulsing, and people grinding against one another—it mimics all the college parties Jaehwan dragged Sanghyuk to. Sanghyuk felt like he was at one right now, if Hakyeon would stop dancing like a white suburban dad Sanghyuk would feel more relieved. The house is packed now that Sanghyuk could look around. 

He didn’t even know Jaehwan knew all these people. He thought it was just going to be a small little get together, but this is bordering on full rager and he wants to go back to that time. 

+

Jaehwan twirls him around and Sanghyuk couldn’t help but giggle, smiling wide as he dances with a whole bunch of people he just met—over half of them from Jaehwan’s graduating class—and it’s lighthearted and warm and Sanghyuk is enjoying himself. When Jaehwan twirls him around again, he smiles. He bumps into some people that he doesn’t even recognize—the way Jaehwan looks at them Sanghyuk is sure that Jaehwan himself doesn’t even know who this person is—but then again, he feels so drunk that he can’t even bother to recognize anyone by face and not voice. 

Sanghyuk knows he’s going to regret what his body is doing right now, but he doesn’t seem to care. He hasn’t been able to feel this free in ages and, as he stumbles around on unsteady feet, he meets Hongbin at the punchbowl. 

Unintentionally, but Sanghyuk meets him there anyway. It wasn’t on purpose, but everyone else he was familiar with was occupied and Sanghyuk didn’t necessarily want to be alone. 

“Hyung.” Sanghyuk hooks his arm around his own. “ _ Hyung _ , dance with me.” He starts swaying to the beat. “Please?” He blinks, the older turning around and smiles a big grin. 

“Hyuk,” Hongbin replies, eyes wide as saucers. His arms snake around Sanghyuk’s waist. “What are you doing?” 

“Come on,” Sanghyuk grabs his hand. “Come on, come on, come on. Let’s dance.” Sanghyuk ushers him away from the punchbowl, hand in hand, while simultaneously beating himself up internally. He knew he was supposed to be mad at him, but his drunken monkey brain wants to dance and  _ only  _ with Hongbin. 

So, he listens to it. 

Once they get to the center of the dance floor, Sanghyuk wraps his arms around Hongbin’s neck and it was like they were slow-dancing. Being next to Hongbin made Sanghyuk feel better, made Sanghyuk feel comfortable and secure, and Sanghyuk didn’t want to let go. They sway together and it’s like they never broke up. 

Sanghyuk likes this feeling. 

The music picks up speed again, Hongbin and Sanghyuk bouncing along with the beat when Sanghyuk nearly slips. Hongbin catches him by the waist and lets out a laugh, wrapping his arms around Sanghyuk’s waist and looking him right in the eye. It’s like lightning, how fast they mold to each other and Sanghyuk smiles. He moves one leg in between Hongbin’s and, as he shifts his weight forward, his lips brush against Hongbin’s. The grip on his waist tightens. “Hey, Hongbin?” Sanghyuk asks, looking at his lips, “Can you please kiss me?” 

There’s hesitation when Hongbin pushes Sanghyuk back gently, a mix of apologies and uncomfortableness that confuses Sanghyuk—before the reality hits him hard. 

“Shit,” Sanghyuk laughs and he’s looking at his shoes at this point, “Right. I’m supposed to be furious with you no matter how much I care about you.” He shakes his head, walking away as fast as he could. He doesn’t hear Hongbin calling out his name because he’s already out from where the crowd had gathered around them, searching for someone who he knows can ground him. 

“Jaehwan.” Sanghyuk grabs him by the arm, Jaehwan looking at him with a smile. He grabs Jaehwan by the arm, spins him around, and places his lips onto the older. His palms are comfortably resting on the older’s face. Jaehwan’s arms hook around his waist and they’re comfortable. Sanghyuk is grounded and secure. 

This isn’t the first time that they’ve done something like this. 

It happened countless times before, when Sanghyuk and Jaehwan were just two single people without a care in the world. When they were young, drunk, and stupid.  _ Well,  _ Sanghyuk thinks,  _ maybe I am still all of those things.  _

It doesn’t mean anything. It’s nice because Jaehwan was good at it, but even now it doesn’t feel right. 

It doesn’t last very long though because he’s jerked sideways, away from Jaehwan, and he looks over to see Hongbin just  _ staring _ at him. 

“What are you doing?” Hongbin fumes. He’s visibly angry, holding Sanghyuk’s arm in an iron grip as he’s staring holes into Jaehwan’s head. 

“Let go of me-“ 

Jaehwan moves in front of Sanghyuk, grabbing Hongbin’s hand that was in a tight grip on Sanghyuk’s wrist. “Back off,” he says. “Right now.” 

“Why don’t you back off, hyung?” Hongbin replies, “Hakyeon is your boyfriend, not Hyuk.” 

“I said let go, both of yo-“ 

“Yeah, well you’re not Hyuk’s boyfriend either, so you can’t just boss him around-“ Jaehwan tries to pull Sanghyuk closer to him and Hongbin is still glaring. “He can kiss whoever the fuck he wants.” Jaehwan proceeds to take his free hand and points to the tiara. “And that includes the birthday boy!” 

“It does not,” Hakyeon says, giving Jaehwan a pointed look. He doesn’t seem generally angry, and when Jaehwan gives him a small smile Sanghyuk knows that Hakyeon isn’t mad. “What’s going on?” 

“Hongbin is being a prick, that’s what going on.” Jaehwan glares. 

“Ah, this sounds like something we should take somewhere else.” Hakyeon makes a broad gesture to the onlookers that have gathered around them. Sanghyuk thinks that Hakyeon should be just a smidge bit upset that his boyfriend went out and kissed another guy, but decides not to say a word. 

“Can someone listen to  _ me  _ for once?” 

+

They’re in Hakyeon and Jaehwan’s room as they continue their conversation.

“Why are you being like this?” Sanghyuk asks, “You and I are not together, so why does it even matter that much to you whether or not Jaehwan and I kissed?” 

“Do you hear yourself?” Hongbin scoffs, “Jaehwan and Hakyeon are together now. This isn’t college, where you can get away with things because you can charm your way out of them. Jaehwan is taken—”

“And Hakyeon didn’t mind. You saw him,” Sanghyuk scoffs in response, “Someone would look at you and think that you’re jealous of something that didn’t even mean anything in the first place.”

“I’m not jealous.” 

“It looks that way.” Sanghyuk stumbles out of the room. Jaehwan looks up at him with his eyebrows raised. “I don’t have anything else to say to him. I’m going home. I’ll call a cab—”

“No,” Hongbin grabs Sanghyuk by the wrist again. “No, I can’t let you get in a cab plastered like this. I’ll take you—” There’s a light tapping on the door and then a slight creak and Sanghyuk knows that Jaehwan and Hakyeon are coming in. “Hey.” 

“So,” Hakyeon asks, “What  _ really _ happened?” 

“Jaehwan-hyung kissed Sanghyuk-” Hongbin starts, rubbing his eyes in frustration. 

“I kissed Jaehwan,” Sanghyuk corrects. Jaehwan didn’t need to take the fall for him. “Jaehwan didn’t do anything to me.” 

Hongbin hands a cool water bottle over to Sanghyuk, commanding him to drink. When the lip of the bottle reaches his mouth, Sanghyuk tips it back. He realizes then that he is parched. 

“Why do you care?” Jaehwan rolls his eyes, “You broke up with him anyway.” 

Hongbin scrunches his eyebrows. “He broke up with me. What are you going on about?” 

“Wait, you guys broke up?” Hakyeon questions. “When?” Sanghyuk looks at him, to nonverbally tell him that he’ll explain later. 

“Hongbin, you left your ring on top of a letter,” Sanghyuk says. “Wasn’t that your way of saying goodbye?” 

Hakyeon whistles. “Bro, that’s shitty.” That got a glare from Hongbin, who tells them to leave. Jaehwan stays firmly in place, a feat considering how drunk he is. 

“No, Sanghyuk,” Hongbin says. “I still have my ring.” He pulls out the silver band from his pocket as proof. “That was the ring I got you. Did you read the letter?”

Sanghyuk croaks. Then, he gets angry. “Why do you even care now? You said that you didn’t love me anymore,” Sanghyuk yells, “You left me behind after out fight and said you could care less about what happened and you expect me to open a letter and slip a ring on my finger while I’m crying my eyes out? You’re delusional.” 

“Sanghyuk-”

“No! You said you didn’t care. You said that we were better off broken up if we were going to fight about everything. So why don’t you act like it, Hongbin?” 

“Because it’s not true!” Hongbin yells even louder. His voice creeps down to a quiet whisper. “I never stopped loving you, Sanghyuk. Who could?”

Sanghyuk’s throat constricts. Why did Hongbin get to ask for forgiveness? He trampled their relationship and spit it back out and Sanghyuk’s mind is reeling. It was almost the exact ring. But that couldn’t be the case, not if Hongbin had the exact object in his hand.

He barely registers the sound of glass breaking around him, but he doesn’t need to. Running toward the front door, Sanghyuk realizes that he doesn’t need to acknowledge the glass because the sharp shatter of his heart was enough to focus on. 

+

He remembers the exact placement of the ring, feeling a twinge of sadness in his chest when he runs his finger over the place where the ring should be. He doesn’t really know how hard he’d been holding Hongbin’s hand until he lets go, feeling phantom traces of the promise ring that meant forever. 

Sanghyuk doesn’t even know what prompts him to run outside, but he does—even as everyone is calling out his name he runs. 

He runs until his body gives up, runs right to a 7-Eleven, and sits in the patio. With his head in his hands, he recounts everything that’s happened up to this point. At one point, he and Hongbin were happy. Then they started arguing and then they weren’t together anymore. 

And it was all his fault for misunderstanding. 

When Sanghyuk slipped that silver ring on Hongbin’s finger, it was a reminder that Hongbin was his. 

The ring was nothing too special, no diamonds or fancy embellishments, but it meant a lot to Sanghyuk. Maybe he was selfish, maybe he was far too possessive, but he didn’t care. He loved holding Hongbin’s hand, just so he could feel the metal between their fingers. 

It was a link that reminded him that Hongbin was his and his only. But it was all thrown away when Hongbin left his behind. 

Or so Sanghyuk thought. 

Sanghyuk is outside, sitting in one of the chairs for the cafe that’s right beside the 7-Eleven to reflect on what’s gone on, tears escaping despite how tightly his eyes are squeezed shut. He tries to regulate his breathing, which fails as his hiccuping sobs wrack his entire body, and Sanghyuk just sits there. His body is numb and he’s just a tiny bit cold. 

“You need a hug, don’t you?” Sanghyuk hears from beside him. Sanghyuk blinks his tears away to see Hongbin standing there and nods in affirmation, feeling Hongbin’s arms secure around him as the older sits down beside him. It’s awkward because they were both seated as such awkward angles, but Sanghyuk is grateful anyway. He focuses on his breathing and regains feeling in his body so he breathe a little better. 

The tears have stopped too. 

“Thanks,” Sanghyuk says quietly. Although Hongbin looked cold, Sanghyuk couldn’t deny the fact that he was the best one at helping him through his times of uncertainty and panic. _ It’s really not fair _ , Sanghyuk thinks. He knows he’s never going to find anyone who knows him like Hongbin does. He’s never going to be able to offer his heart to anyone like he did to Hongbin. 

Not fair in the slightest, that he still loves Hongbin as intensely as before. 

“Do you want to go home?” Hongbin asks and Sanghyuk nods. 

They both rise but Sanghyuk stumbles a bit as Hongbin catches him. He breathes out a laugh. “Maybe I’m still a little drunk, huh?” 

“Well, good thing I’m not. Because I’m driving.” 

Sanghyuk looks as him quizzically. “You didn’t drink? You normally do.” 

Hongbin clears his throat, looking at one spot of Sanghyuk’s face. “I-uh-quite drinking. A few months ago, actually.” 

“Oh,” Sanghyuk says. 

+

Hongbin guides Sanghyuk back inside and follows, but neither one of them acknowledges it. Sanghyuk sinks into the couch, hoping it would swallow him up, while Hongbin brews some tea for the both of them. He joins soon after, handing Sanghyuk his cup and sipping. 

They didn’t even know where to begin to go about everything that had just happened. 

“You know I wasn’t trying to break it off,” Sanghyuk speaks up. “I know it seemed like it, but I really wasn’t trying to.” When Hongbin doesn’t say anything, Sanghyuk continues. He makes eye contact with the older. “You hurt me, you know. Not with what was said that night on its own, but what you would say when you were drunk, and everything in the past few months. “ 

“Ah, Hyuk, I know.” Hongbin grabs his hand, squeezes it tight. “I thought about it a lot for the past few weeks and I know I wasn’t fair to you. Work has been shit for the past three months and I was frustrated and took it out on you, and that’s not an excuse.” Hongbin sighs. “I took everything you gave me for granted and hurt you. I forgot to show you how much you meant to me—how much you still do mean to me.” Hongbin shuffles closer, so that his and Sanghyuk’s thighs touch together. “I regret everything I said that night. I love you more than I love myself sometimes, so I don’t know where that ever came from.” 

“I regret everything too. Everything I said was out of spite. I never hated you.” 

Hongbin smiles a small smile. “I know.” 

“But the text—why would you want to wait to tell everyone to break up?”

“I thought you had read the letter and still wanted to break up! I didn’t know you didn’t see it.” 

“Wow,” Sanghyuk groans, “Our communication is absolutely shitty.” He gets up and walks over to the table, looking around for the letter that was on the wooden surface. “No wonder I didn’t see it! This is literally tiny as fuck, Hongbin.”

He reads the note, smiling from ear to ear when he sees the:  _ To the ends of the universe with you _ . It was almost exactly the same words that Sanghyuk had said to him that summer day. It’s the reciprocation of the words that make the paper feel heavy in his hands. 

“You know,” Hongbin says, “The words still stand. I’d still go to the ends of the universe with you.” Sanghyuk is at a loss for words, pushing the band into Hongbin’s hand, urging him to put it on Sanghyuk’s finger. Once it’s secure, Sanghyuk takes the ring that he knows is secured in Hongbin’s pocket and slips it on Hongbin’s finger. 

“We need to change things,” Sanghyuk says, “And I don’t think that everything will be one hundred percent like they were.” Sanghyuk smiles. “But if you’re down to try, I think I can too.” 

“Anything for you.”

They’ll be taking the long road to recovery, but Sanghyuk thinks it’ll all be worth it in the end. 


End file.
